One Less Reason
by Vix444
Summary: Emily has never felt so alone. Snapshots of important moments - Songfic


_* Songfic to One less reason - A Day to be alone * All Lyrics belong to them not me..And characters belong to CBS_

_She said I wonder when it'll be my day, _

_Cause I'm not too far from breaking down_

I can see you now and it is breaking my heart, my insides are shredding and I feel the helplessness building. All I want to do is offer you the comfort you are desperately seeking but I know that it is not from me that you want it. I reach out knowing that it will be my heart that breaks in the end but I cant deny the urge that I have to do something. The hospital is cold and your shivering, the waiting is killing everyone's soul. We didn't know that he would turn up there with the girl, we should have known. The look in your eyes is going to haunt my dreams.

_All I've got are screams inside, _

_But somehow they come out in a smile, _

_And I wonder if I'll always feel this way, this way_

Everytime I see you with him I want to scream out, to tell you he is all wrong, that the southern drawl he speaks in is not right for you. He is not good enough for you. I know he gave you Henry and I love that little boy, he has your eyes, those crystal blues that will melt anyone, or freeze them. At the bar with him walking in, parading you on his arm, the possessive hand around your back and that smirk on his face, I just want to wipe it over the floor but I know I cant, I see the way your eyes twinkle when you look at him and I have to smile.

_Tell me about those nights you stayed awake,_

_Tell me about those days you hated me,_

_Tell me how you would rather die alone,_

_Than be stuck here with me_

I hate myself for what I've done, we are stuck here in this container and its my fault, I know without looking that right now you hate me, its my fault that you wont see your son again. I try to look for a way out but it is fruitless, he knew we would be stuck and I led us straight into this mess. I look up to see you standing there, in shock, tears rolling down your face. My heart breaks knowing I am the reason you are losing everything. You look over and I have never seen so much pain in one look, I flinch away and start pounding the sides of the metal box, hoping the physical pain will ease the emotional.

_And maybe you've fallen down,_

_And maybe you just took the long way home,_

_But baby you could never love you like me_

I will always love you, I may not always be _in_ love with you but you will always hold a piece of my heart. Every time you fall I will be there if you need me to help you up, I could never leave no matter what happens, that makes me sound a bit stalker but its true. I watch you making a mistake and just want to tell you but I know it is your life to do with as you please. I see the pain people cause you and I wish I could take it away, that is a line I wont even go near let alone cross. Having you in my life even only as a friend is better than not at all.

_And one day this will fade away,_

_In the mirror you'll see a smiling face,_

_And standing next to you will always be me, yeah me_

_One day you're gonna see things my way,_

_You gave me so much room I can't breathe_

This cant carry on, I will have to leave soon as it hurts too much to be here, being around you and pretending to be someone I'm not is hurting too much, I hope that one day you will see me the way that I have seen you all this time.

After everyting that has happened, how close you came to losing everything, the space we gave each other was too much, being away from you is strangling me but I don't know how to find our way back to how we were, to who we used to be. The sparkle in your eyes has gone, they are now cold and icy and I know mine have changed. We have changed and im not sure what we have become apart from two people linked by horror.

_When all I've got are pictures to view,_

_It was nothing before and I started with you_

_For some reason it's supposed to be that way, that way_

The pictures that hang on my walls are the happiest of my life, the day I graduated from Yale, a beaming smile across my face I felt ready to tackle the world, to make a difference to peoples lives, a real difference and I knew it was there in front of me ready to grab with both hands. When I graduated from the FBI academy, top of the class, the difference is only small in my face. A little bit old a little bit wiser, and a little more jaded in the way of the world. My first birthday in the BAU, that was when I knew I fit in, it was after the Hankel case, we all felt more of a family, closer. It was also the day I admitted to myself I was in love with you.

_If I could shrink it down and put it in your hands_

_We made it hurt so much, I cant forget the past_

_Just tell me what to say, show me what to do,_

_Then I could forgive me and I would forgive you_

Standing looking over the Capitol, thinking about everything that has happened between us and everything that hasn't. My fear from telling you how I feel as I know it is unrequented, I have hurt for so long my heart cant take anymore, I hear you laugh and as much as I love to hear it, it breaks me just that little bit more. I wish you could tell me what to say to you for that fairy tale ending, what I could do for you to see what has been right here all along. I have seen you spilt from Will and bring Henry up, becoming stronger as person. If I could tell you I could forgive myself for leaving but I know I can't and in some small way I can't forgive, for not giving me that chance.

_And maybe you've fallen down_

_And maybe you just took the long road home_

_But baby you will never love you like me_

_And one day this will fade away_

_In the mirror you'll see a smiling face_

_And standing next to you will always be me_

_You know will always be me, and I will wait_

_Always be me, till I see your smiling…_

I will always love you Jennifer, more than you will ever know.

E x


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